Last night I witnessed my dad feeding my dog with a fork. His response? "she's sophisticated."



One time I got so high that I walked in my class, late, sat down, and tried to put my seatbelt on.



I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.



When I was a teenager my buddies, and I used to sneak up on stray cats, and kick them on boring summer nights.



I was born with a rare heart disease, and people always make fun of me. One time in kindergarten my teacher said "at least she had a heart". I cried.


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