I got a little too competitive in the easter egg hunt, and I ended up stealing all of my little cousin's eggs. Yes, i'm 19.




When I was in younger this guy would always bully me. He lives close to me, and last week, he got a brand new Cadillac. I felt great keying both sides of it.




Every time I walk in my parents room I punch the curtains. You know, just in case there is a burglar behind them. My parents want to take me to the therapist because they think i'm too paranoid.




Whenever I fart, I try to emulate the sound with my mouth, and pretend that's how I did it. One day i'll master this art.




Earlier today I had a sudden blood sugar drop. I went to the kitchen and poured a ton of sugar in my mouth. Turns out it was salt.



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