On my birthday, i decide to throw a huge party. I prepared a lot of food and drinks, music, and a slip and slide. the only person that showed up was my sister. She had forgotten her phone.



A couple of weeks ago i finally had the courage to tell my crush i liked her. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my eyes.



One time, as i was baking a cake, i bent over to see if it was cooked. As i did so, my husband slapped my butt, and i fell in the oven.



Earlier today, my little brother attacked me, and shoved a jelly bean up my nose. Right now I'm in the hospital, waiting to have it removed.



I'm considering labeling myself as "in a relationship" on Facebook, even though i've been single for the past 7 years, so i can hide how desperate i am.


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