My boyfriend found out you can send audio clips as text messages. Now he sends me about 8/10 farts every day...




Today, I saw a bug in the potty so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the heck out of me, and I peed all over the floor and my pants.




My brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a very flexible spine, so I bent it. It farted, then clawed my face.




One time, I was smoking a cig in my car and I flicked the butt... into the eye of a cop going the other way on his motorcycle. F**** my life.




I just found that my "lesbian" bestfriend (and roommate) is dating the guy I've been trying to get with for weeks.



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