When I was 4 or 5, I walked into my cousin sucking on a condom. She freaked out and said it was candy, so a few days later I decided to try one, I sneezed when I ate it, and it got stuck in my nose. That was hard to explain to my parents...



The only person that keeps asking me out is a 12 years old.



My sister's laugh sounds like an orgasm, and my cousin kept begging me to tell him how she sounded like. So I said "okay give me your phone and I'll type it!". He gave me his phone and I opened the messages and typed "it sounds like an orgasm", but I accidentally hit send. The message went to a christian group chat...



I just realized that the only female that shows any sexual interest in me is my 60 years old neighbor.



When i'm alone i have interviews in my mind. You know, just getting ready for when i'm gonna be famous.


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