I once told my husband, I loved him. He said he didn't love me back... That's when I realized that it was his twin brother! #majorfail



I told my kids to mark their territory once, and when I walked in the living room a minute later, I saw them peeing all over the carpet as their territory... I guess they didn't know I meant mark their height on the wall :|



Most people think I am arrogant, because I don't talk to them often. Actually I don't talk to them because I am scared to be rejected.



My parents own a Mexican restaurant. My entire family loves Mexican food but to be honest, I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. The only closest thing I'll have to it is a cheese quesadilla.



When I was 10 I wrote an athletic schedule to teach my cats to swim. R.I.P. Shower curtains.


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