When I found out I was adopted I asked my parents what happened to my real parents. They looked at eachother and told me they died in a fire. I asked how they knew that, and they said "because we were there". Wtf?!
I live alone, I don't have cats, but I have a neighbor in college who leaves his bathroom window open every morning. I am also his teacher... #hot
One day in Ecuador when i was visiting my grandparents, me and some other kid lit a match and threw it on some grass at a park that was right next to the hotel i was staying at and it started a big fire. When the police came they questioned me in Spanish i pretended i didn't know it.
I really hot girl got on the bus today. I looked at her and smiled until I got major foot cramp and started stretching out and groaning to make it stop. She was totally into me.
I went to a bar and met a hot guy,made out with him, then came home to my loveless marriage. The guy was 26, I'm 42.