I'm spending the night in a motel sunday because my wife is having a woman over for the night. #fml



When my fiancè is not snoring in his sleep, I panic and have to check if he is still alive.



My father is against homosexuals. I have a 15 years old gay son and he told me to fix him. The problem is I can't... He is not broken.



Last night I got so drunk I ate a steak. Not a big deal, except i've been a vegetarian for the past 5 years.



The guy working at the gas station last night thought I was homeless and paid for my chips and root beer. I think it's time to stop wearing pjs in public.


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