I met my wife when i was 17 and we got married when i was 24. My secret is that she thinks that i had a lot of women before her but the truth is that she has been and will always be the only one. I love you.



When I'm alone, I talk to myself. I practice conversations that never happen, or pretend I'm a character I like from a book, TV show or movie. #amiweird?



Last week I was sitting at the mall food court, wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on.



I used to think that if you pulled the plug out of a bath you would get sucked down the drain.



When I was 7, I found a pad In my moms room and used it for toilet paper. I thought it was a rich people tissue.


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