One time, when my friend was over, we were going to go in my brother's room to use his legos, but when we walked in he had his penis in a hotdog bun and was taking pictures.
Apparently when I was a toddler, I found my mom's vibrator, showed my aunt, then put it in my mouth... Some things are better left unsaid, auntie... Thanks.
When i was 12 my brother accidentally shot me, and the bullet hit me on the shoulder. We blamed it on this guy that lived in the woods and he got arrested. I feel kinda guilty.
My friend was wearing these cool gray Uggs I wanted. One day she almost got hit with a car walking home. Apparently I'm a hero but really all I was thinking about was "she better not get a stain on those Uggs" when i pushed her out of the way from the car. I'm terrible.
