When I was little, I ate a spider thinking it would give me Spider man powers, instead I got sent to the emergency room.



I hate being a 90s baby. It seems that no one has any self respect anymore. Everyone is either a whore, trying to be cool, or just doesn't care. How can people look at themselves in the mirror? The future looks quite bleak from where I'm standing.



As I was paying for my groceries, I accidentally handed out a condom instead of the $20 bill to the cashier.



When I was 19, I went to a club in Vegas, and met a girl. We had some sex, and later, left to get 'married'. I though those weddings were fake, and she'd forget. Nope, especially with twins.



I sent my crush a blue waffle pic by accident. I don't think he will ever talk to me again... If you don't know what "blue waffle" is, DO NOT google it.


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