Last week I was sitting at the mall food court, wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on.



When I use my computer, my cat runs up to the power strip, looks at me in the eyes, and hits the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often.



One time I was walking down a street in a bad part of town and I saw a homeless man getting beaten by some kids. I was too afraid to go tell them to stop, but at least I called the police, and luckily they were nearby!



One time, I went to the doctors because I was having morning sickness and I thought I was pregnant. When I finally went to the doctor he told me I was pregnant with a big smile. I was really happy, but then he quickly said "no I'm just kidding, you just have a stomach bug."



For four years, I've been living a lie. Been with this girl and I don't love her, never told her I loved her. On her dad's deathbed he told her to marry me so I felt obligated to be with her. I even had a baby with her. I'm pretty much a douche bag.


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